I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
