and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
