You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If I die, sorry about rent.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
