mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
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