Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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