I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
