my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
