Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
