So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
