i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
