Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
