if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
