What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
