OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
