if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
