Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
