Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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