All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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