If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
