i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I checked into jail on foursquare
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
