1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
