brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
