omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
