My friends, they love my intelligence
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
