Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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