So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
