ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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