College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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