I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
