he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
