In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Your topless pictures make me question reality
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
