Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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