you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
