I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
