I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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