Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
