she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i drank out of a bidet.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
