You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
