I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
