she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
