i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
