Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
