Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
