She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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