There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
