I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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