Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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