cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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