god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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