rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
