I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
