atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
