Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
