Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
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