There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
