Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
