I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
