I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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