This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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