Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
