you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I smell like Dick and happiness
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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