one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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