woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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