I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
