obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
