My sheets look like a crime scene.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
