You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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