so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
