I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i need to put some appletini on your dick
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