I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
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