Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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