Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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