Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
