Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
