i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I am mentally ready for anal.
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